Today I got a random message from some kid that keeps pestering me, so I decided to fuck with him a little bit. The following is the hilarious resulting conversation:

Weirdo dude: I hope this doesn't sound bad, but would you be friends with benefits with a guy?

Me: O.o

Me: yeah

Weirdo dude: I know that sounds bad, but I just kinda want to have some fun lol

Weirdo dude: I'm not a man-slut though lol

Me: youre a virgin arent you?

Weirdo dude: yeah...

Weirdo dude: damn, I can't lie lol

Me: you told me already >.<

Weirdo dude: Do you mind that I am?

Me: makes me a bit nervous (I was obviously teasing his nervousness with this comment)

Weirdo dude: Maybe we could do oral if you're more comfortable with it lol

Me: have you done that?

Weirdo dude: Not yet.

Weirdo dude: I want to lol

Me: have you ever kissed a girl?

Weirdo dude: Yeah.

Me: what have you done?

Weirdo dude: I've made out

Weirdo dude: Would you be cool with teaching me how to "wrestle" with you

Weirdo dude: I would want to be friends too

Weirdo dude: not just pure sex

Me: O.o

Weirdo dude: Are you a sexual person at all?

Me: sex isn't like that.

Me: you have to be friends with someone you're having sex with

Me: its rarely pure sex

Weirdo dude: True, I suppose.

Weirdo dude: I think that I would love to kiss a lot during sex.

Weirdo dude: IDK why...

Me: because it's all you know?

Me: its nice to add in what you know to the unknown

Weirdo dude: Yeah.

Weirdo dude: Do you like sex?

Me: why doesn't?

Weirdo dude: You can't go without it lol

Weirdo dude: How long has it been since you've had it?

Me:I am right now. lmfao

Weirdo dude: With a guy or girl?

Me: well, I'm kind of fucking a girl with a strap on right now

Me: would you consider that sex?

Weirdo dude: No idea lol

Weirdo dude: Do you like being in control?

Me: yeah, i ram it to her hard

Weirdo dude: Can I have your number

Me: i just tasted her pussy. it tastes like watermelon and strawberry

Weirdo dude: I'm jealous of you lol

Weirdo dude: Give me your phone number, and you can send me some pics lol

Me: why dont you send us some pics?

Me: we wanna see your dick?

Weirdo dude: I'm shy lol

Me: so am i

Weirdo dude: Just show me a sexy pic of you.

Weirdo dude: Doesnt have to be nude

Me: look at my pics, the one of me in the hole

Me: 313-418-4320 (number to a Detroit escort service)

Me: for real though

Me: i want to fuck a guy in the ass with a strap on. you let me do that and I'll do whatever you want

Weirdo dude: Stop bullshitting me lol

Weirdo dude: You're a bullshitter

Me: :(

Weirdo dude: Can I have your real number so we can text

Weirdo dude:I want to try to pin you ;)

Me: hmm

Me: what do i get out of that

Weirdo dude: Me lol

Me: wanna play ultimate surrender?

Weirdo dude: I want your body to feel pleasure in every square inch

Weirdo dude: I would love to!

Me: If you pin me, you get to have your way.

Weirdo dude: ok

If I pin you, I get to do whatever I want.

Weirdo dude: Sounds fun!

Me: I really want to try that strap on for real, you okay with that?

Me: it's big

Weirdo dude: Well, if I can get a chance with you, it's a risk.

Weirdo dude: I just hope I win lol

Me: http://www.ultimatesurrender.com/site/shoots.jsp?c=2

Weirdo dude: Why don't you want to have sex with me though?

Weirdo dude: Am I that bad looking lol

Me: No.

Weirdo dude: We should do whoever loses has to go down on the other person.

hmm

Me: not as fun

Me: better to see you fight

Weirdo dude: Oh I'd fight for oral lol

Weirdo dude: That's for damn sure

Me: its better fighting not to lose than fighting to win

Weirdo dude: Is there anything else besides the whole strap on

Me: nope.

Weirdo dude: It's just that I always wanted to have sex with a beautiful girl like you

Me: have you ever had a girlfriend?

Me: ?

"Weirdo dude"went offline. We will deliver your message to their mailbox if they do not return in the next few minutes.

I wanted to see how hard I could push this kid until he gave in. Apparently I struck a nerve with the girlfriend question, because he ignored me or logged off right after.

Special thanks to my friend, Alec, who helped me come up with some of the wacky shit....

Also, a disclaimer: Everything I said to this kid is utter bullshit. Just in case you are as gullible as that dude was. But since you're reading my blog, I know you must be super-awesomes.^_^

Why Mothers' Day reminds me about eugenics.

Today I work at Benihana. Thinking that it was going to be a great idea to work Mothers' Day was a stupid error on my part.

I am reminded by the stupidity and general assholishness of my customers why stupid people shouldn't reproduce.

As I'm sitting here now, out the back door, I get chewed out for not providing parking for the customers. We have free valet today. And this guy chooses to ream me a new one for that!?

So, in honor of Mothers' day, I'm going to record stupid customer quotes throughout the day on here:

Lady:"can I get some tea water with no tea in it?"
Me: "you mean hot water?"
Lady: "no, hot tea water without tea.."
Me: "ok, a hot water then?"
Lady: "well, yeah, I guess so.."

The same lady, I argued for 10 minutes that ordering a chicken meal, and taking chicken out of her chicken fried rice, and then mixing her chicken into it didn't make sense. She insisted that she wanted chicken rice with no chicken so that she could mix chicken into it. She had this completely blank look on her face every time I explained thing to her, as if she couldn't process it. And she had two kids..... what a shame.

Really, Facebook? Come on now... Gettin' a bit cocky there, are we?

Or lack of Cock. I suppose would be the proper way to phrase that.

I log on FB and the thing suggests me a friend, I don't recognize the name, so I click. It says we have no mutual friends, she lives in "SeaTac, Washington" and is from "New Haven, Connecticut"

So, of course at this point I'm thoroughly baffled as to why FB would suggest this middle-aged woman with no common interests or friends... Hell, not even a thousand mile span in common. WTF.

I look at who she's married to. Huh... Nicole, married to Sally....

WTF FACEBOOK!!!! What do you think this is? Are you TRYING to hook me up with a married lesbian couple? I mean, damn, does Facebook assume that all girls who like girls have some telepathic connection and constantly talk to one another? That's tele-pathetic. I mean, hell, I'm not even a full-out lesbian, seriously. What, Facebook, you've never suggested me some 90 year old straight married man as a friend, wouldn't that be the same principle?

I think Facebook REAAAALLY wants me to become a Lesbian full throttle.I'm convinced that it's trying to convince me....

Another thing, Facebook, as is exhibited by my blog, I enjoy "ENTER" without submission, and you've just shattered my dream of being the record holder for "ENTER" usage in one post.

I also noticed that FB collects pictures of you and your significant other before you start dating, and uses them as a sort of, "haha, we knew this was coming; IN YOUR FACE(book)"

Again, cocky....




Or cockless.

Omg. She totally makes that dress look hawt.

They should totally hire some supermodels for the next season of "Walking Dead", they'd save a killing on makeup!!!

Oh, and who doesn't want to see supermodels getting their heads blown off??

Be careful what you wish for.

[1:31:22 am]***See:so u never let me ask u those dirrrty questions

[1:32:26 am]wrestlerchic:ask away

[1:33:06 am]***See:ah id like it to atleast be entertaining to both of us, if not stimulating. now it seems kinda blah

[1:33:41 am]wrestlerchic:;jkfvbhwkljbgkwblakjhfGV

[1:33:48 am]wrestlerchic:THAT WAS MY BRAIN ESPLOSHUN

[1:34:01 am]wrestlerchic:BECAUSE I CANT WAIT FOR EPIC QUESTIONS OF DIRT

[1:34:16 am]***See:? what? ...

?

[1:37:15 am]wrestlerchic:that wasn't stimulating? hrm, maybe I need practice.

[1:37:28 am]wrestlerchic:Oh, btw, how was I supposed to make it stimulating?

[1:37:43 am]***See:wtf r u talking about???????? i asked u what and u ask me a question?

[1:38:11 am]wrestlerchic:you said i never "let" you ask questions, so i let you

[1:38:23 am]wrestlerchic:and then you say it isn't stimulating

[1:38:48 am]wrestlerchic:you're being as finicky as a woman who has a headache.

[1:39:26 am]***See:im not being finicky i was asking u what u were talking about bc what u said made no sense in reply to me

[1:39:27 am]***See:i never said U were suppose to make it stimulating, jackass. i WAS STARTING that NOW it seems kind of blah.. period. not "hey make this stimulating so i can feel better about asking it. cause u cant MAKE something more than what it is, no matter who u r.

[1:40:08 am]***See:im out. later. if u want to talk, send me mail. if not, then fine. but im def not going to fight in order to talk

[1:40:15 am]wrestlerchic:O.o

[1:40:51 am]wrestlerchic:are you a woman who has a headache and is PMSing? because that was a true explosion.. O.o

LOL,  hay dude, would you like a vibrator to go with that vagina? Maybe THAT will stimulate you....

/facepalm

Oh, and (s)he totally proved my point.....


Oh, and also exchange "ask dirrrty questions" with "having sex" or a proper version of it.... haha... totally fits.

Why do I feel like I have a bigger dick than this guy?

Real Women Have Curves?

I keep hearing this everywhere I go. As a curvy woman myself, I want to throw my fist in the air and scream, "hells, yeah!"

On the otherhand, I also like girls, so what I find attractive confuses me....

I love girls of all shapes and sizes. For a while, I was on a skinny girl kick; I just couldn't find many curvier girls sexy.
After searching, I found quite a few cute and curvy girls.

Now as I'm laying in bed and writing this from my cellular device, I realize what it is, and I couldn't wait to blog about it later... lol.

I, of course, realized that these girls all had gorgeous faces, first of all. The problem is, there are a lot of cute-faced girls that I am not attracted to at all..

I also realized that I was going for older women. Older than me, but still quite young, of course. Hmm.. but that can't be what I'm attracted to.

Then it clicked. I love confidence in a woman. Yeah, you might /facepalm me for that one, but it isn't as obvious as it seems. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin, that is so fucking sexy! And it was then that I realized why real men think real women have curves. It's because they love a woman who's curvy and confident with what isn't considered aesthetically ideal by the media's standard (despite the evolutionary attraction, which a 0.7 hip to waist ratio is most attractive)

But, who knows, I could be totally misreading dudes.

Meh, in my mind, Real Women Have Confidence. (And I find that irresistable.)

So, my blog-readers.... you also know what I think about in bed.   (O.o)   hahahah

Lucidity.

Feeling hopeless, sick, and alone is an unpleasantly humbling experience...

A dark place to be... It shows you a lot about yourself.

It also puts forth some scary thoughts. I really don't miss that part of my life, also known as depression.
Luckily, that also helped me to see how much I didn't want to be depressed.

I tend to bury myself in work or other mind numbing, pleasure avoiding tasks to avoid feeling helpless... And, damn, it works well.

I've realized a lot about my emotions and desires this week, as well as some shitty qualities that I possess, and how to attempt to get rid of them.

Oh yeah, I suppose I should clarify with a short-term time-line.
Jan. 31, Josh breaks up with me.
Feb. 8, canceled work at Benihana for other job
Feb. 13, start to get sick
Feb. 14, work at Fort St. Brewery, get a voice message 2 hours after my shift, call back, wait 10 minutes on phone to get fired for no reason.
Feb. 15, get certified mail saying that I go into tax foreclosure at the end of February. yay. over $1.9k

I really felt like shit for a few days, I felt like everything was crumbling around me and it wasn't worth fighting for.

Feb 17th, have issues with an online class professor, also pick up my last paycheck from Fort St. B. Things seem dismal, but I try to be semi-optimistic, had a few drinks.

Feb. 18th, great day at work, despite small amount of drunken sleep, had a table leave $310 in tips for $400 check; $200 for the chef (I get 50%) $110 for me, (I get 35%) Also, all my other tables are gratuity, or tip better than 20%. 4 people quit this week. Benihana asks me to come back more hours a week (full time, perhaps?). I was supposed to work only lunch, which was o.k. in its self, but picked up the dinner shift. Also picked up Sunday.Made enough money, and good news to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyways, I have more big days ahead of me... and hopefully, a full schedule next week with work. But I'm happy, even though it was unpleasant, that I was able to see myself through a very bad few days... I just hope that I can pull myself out of this rut sooner or later.

I feel hopeful, independent and I'm getting healthier :D (as my nose drips... le-sigh..)

Seriously???

Hello

Feb. 10, 2011 – 1:59am

Hey how are you tonight WrestlerChic huh u like Wrestling?

35% Enemy 66% Friend 52% Match Message from sdrowe87

wrestlerchic:what kind of wrestling are you wondering if I like?

[11:59:33 pm]sdrowe87:pro wrestling like wwe

[11:59:38 pm]wrestlerchic:no.

[11:59:47 pm]wrestlerchic:you obviously didn't even look at my profile

[11:59:53 pm]wrestlerchic:read the first section.

[11:59:58 pm]sdrowe87:  yea i did

[12:00:19 am]sdrowe87:i read your profile but ill go read that again tho

[12:02:33 am]sdrowe87:and to be honest i sent the message before i read your profile sorry my bad

[12:05:37 am]sdrowe87:and btw wwe is alot better than that bull shit high school wrestling

[12:06:10 am]sdrowe87:it is im glad i quit wrestling in high school

[12:06:31 am]wrestlerchic:probably because you're a pussy

My Self Summary:

 "I love to be outdoors. Camping, kayaking, whitewater rafting, just chilling, you name it. I love to be spontaneous and try new things.. I am really sarcastic at times, and sometimes unintentionally funny..

Oh and I wrestled throughout high school and middle school.. was ranked 1st in the nation for women at one point, but I haven't done that for a little while now, it has just shaped my personality: perseverance/stubbornness, the love for athleticism, and the uncanny ability to be raunchy as hell and have a mouth that could make a sailor cringe :)

Oh yeah, and I hate WWE, with a fiery passion.

I am whimsical, extemporaneous, and zealous"

SOME GUYS ARE FUCKING RETARDED.

The Misadventures of "Squishy Mitten"

I really can't quite say how interesting my first week of single life has been. Any attempt to describe it would be understated.

I've heard super-interesting pick up likes and euphemisms, such as "squishy mitten" and other things... They made me laugh profusely.

I really laughed quite a lot this week.

I also realized that my cousin is the best form of sex-control.

I also started wearing my old engagement ring to ward off the weirdos. It actually has come in handy a few times.

During this week, I have learned to appreciate my bed, that body pillows are the best cuddlers (my cat plain out sucks this week... he spent 15 minutes walking circles on my chest this morning). Also that learning new things about people is really quite an interesting process.

So I woke up rubbing against my pillow this morning, thought it was someone's warm leg, but to my pleasant surprise it was a non-sweaty pillow that never woke me up by fondling me, or getting up to go work. I really love this pillow.

I have had a wide array of emotions and feelings this week, from thoroughly dismal to heavily turned on, for no reason. I have learned to laugh loud and deep, it seems like the best equalizer. And to be honest, some situations are hilarious.

A hooker was hitting on everyone at the brewery I work at, including me, my cousin and the guy next to me.
 It was at this moment my ring came in handy. She turned to the guy next to me and said, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know your wife was there!" Ironically, that guy ended up being the guy who left with her...

As the week goes on, everything is becoming a huge joke, I'm not sure how to take things, I'm almost overwhelmed by things, yet relaxed at the same time.

It's really nice to only have to worry about myself during dinner, or when making plans. Much more spontaneous.

Well, I better concentrate on school stuff for tomorrow. Might go to the club tonight. Ah, it's so nice to live impulsively!

I should follow my gut...

Woke, up and really just didn't want to move, it felt great to stretch around under the warm covers.

I got to work and was told that my manager had forgotten to call me off, so he said I might as well work anyways. Of course, the first table, I spilled soup over my hand, jumped, more spilled and now I can't stop running cold water on my hand or I start cussing again.
Also, I only had 4 tables, and one of them paid for another table as well, problem was, he forgot to put the signed credit card slip back... it was a 60 dollar bill...

I am now about to watch 500 Days of Summer, trying to feel better before work tonight...

Thank you Facebook.

I love when I click on "Top News" on Facebook, and first on the list is my newly ex-boyfriend's relationship status change. Thanks for the reminder, Facebook. I owe you one...

Also, the lesbian advertisements have increased.... Again, thank you, Facebook.

<3 Ren

A Series of Fortunate Events.

So, I didn't sleep very much last night... I just felt invigorated in a really odd way, also my usual bedtime rituals just didn't happen, so it is back to insomnia for me!

Anyways, I wake up late, run out the door late for class, after 2 or so hours of sleep, proceed to imagine strangling my yoga teacher, (namaste, namaste, namaste, don't choke her for being a bitch) she was pushy, and ran over the class 15 minutes, which in turn made me late to my next class again.And, surprise, I forgot all of my money for parking and lunch.

So there I was, running, my face feeling like it was bleeding, and I show up late, and fall asleep throughout a critical thinking class... But on the bright side, guys, this snow storm... My last 2 classes are canceled, so I leave early, get a call, my jury duty for Friday is rescheduled for March.....

Annnd, It is Michael C. Hall's 40th birthday... Oh, the things I would love to do to that man...

But, as non-insightful as this post has been, as compared to the last one, I would Like to elaborate and respond to my acknowledged accusations.

I figured it would be wise to decode what was given to me, since I'm in a critical thinking state...

In response to being oblivious:
-It may seem like I'm oblivious sometimes, but I have foot-in-mouth syndrome. I try not to unleash my verbal vomit of self-hate, and decide rather to keep my thoughts to myself. I know that I openly make excuses for my behavior, but I don't fool myself, I just choose to appear oblivious, it is SOOO much less stressful than being depressed. Actually when I shut my mouth after I do/say/impulsively act on something, I generally am thinking what a dumb ass I really am.

In response to me being an impulsive spender:
-Yeah, I have serious issues with that, but I cant seem to censor it unless I abstain from shopping, this is from years of money making with nowhere to spend it, and now I'm in quite the opposite situation. This is also a sort of self medication, but this is my issue...

In response to one-upping:
-Again, foot-in-mouth syndrome, I hate this about myself, and generally don't realize until I'm already done... I am wayyy competitive.I like to feel accomplished, and I use my experiences to feel like I relate to others, but I end up just coming off as a prick, but I suppose this will never change, I do need to work on it though, even though I have been and it goes nowhere.

And being a smotherer:
-I am a cuddler, and I generally like to cuddle after a long day of being out and about. I view my significant other as my best friend, and someone to vent to. Regardless, I work and go to school a lot, so I enjoy passively spending time with my significant other, just sitting around together. I didn't know that was the definition of smothering, I suppose that I should ask for a solid definition for that as a prerequisite for dating someone....


What have I learned?

What was my lesson?

I suppose find a guy who can communicate well, and make a checklist for him to fill out with a contractual agreement of relationship definitions and communication terms..(jussst joking... well, kind of...)

Or maybe that I just shouldn't date.

I'm ready for tomorrow and what it brings. But I seriously need to be a bit more aggressive with life, and get over this slump that my knee has put me into. I need to tell myself that I'm not handicapped, even if some mornings I know that I am.. I need to grab life by the balls, and let my pain make me stronger. My drive is my faith, I know that life goes on, and I have to keep my head up or shit will get to me.

I also try not to make hasty life altering decisions, I guess that's what got my panties in a bunch the most in this situation, knowing he didn't sit on it, or even approach to try and work it out. Just sat down and smiled and said it was over between us. Aside from my spontaneity in money spending, I'm a planner... I can't do something that impulsive without letting it sit a few days.. But whatever, it is his life...


On that note, I'm packing up the ex's stuff for easy removal, and then I'm gonna make up for that lost sleep.

The world turns, Life goes on.

I am oblivious, an impulsive spender, a one-upper, and a smotherer...

At least that's the reason my boyfriend ( well... ex. boyfriend..) gave for breaking up with me today.

And then I thought, "so what". Big fucking deal. Life goes on, it seems to be my life-long motto. Shit happens, life goes on. It's how I live day to day, it gets me over those rough patches, where most people turn to "God", but I know better than that.

I just realize how much shit happens on a daily basis to everyone around the world, you may feel like you're dying inside, and it is the end of the world to you, but in reality, no one could give two shits. The longer you sit and ruminate about what could have, would have, and should have been done, the shittier you feel, and the less chance you have of moving on. So this is my attempt to do just that. Not from him, per-se, but more from the shit in my past and that is destined to happen, just get it all out.

So, this is a beginning of a new relationship. A girl and her voice...

But I think for tonight, I'm going to cuddle up with my cat and fall asleep in my nice, unshared bed :)