Sometimes I Have Anxiety Attacks.

I guess that I should preface this with two things:

1. I have not been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

2. I am slightly intoxicated.


So, I tend to over-analyze things which often gets me into some trouble. I read into every subtle nuance. Body language, spoken language, and pretty much any other sort of reaction....

This is important for why events have unfolded the way they have tonight.



So, I really like this guy.... It's rare for me to have feelings like this, and they make me fucking nervous. Everything is approached with caution; I don't want to scare him away, but at the same time I want to be myself as much as possible. Unfortunately, as one may be able to tell by my blog, I have no trouble giving out TMI. This is a downfall, I know... I try to work on it.... Anyways, I digress.... So I like this guy, and last night, I felt something go awry. Now, My gut usually doesn't lie to me.... Today it gets worse, even though I see him, it feels detached.

Then I start getting stir crazy, and go do karaoke with my room mate. After a while, I finally decide to do an easy song, start off well, and end up shaking so hard that I can't finish alone..... I effectively have an anxiety attack on stage, and being the center of attention perpetuates the problem....

So, emotions..... Anxiousness, fear, being enamored, happy; they sort of suck.... It almost seems like risking the negative outcome isn't worth the positive outcome.

I also realized that I'm scared of being alone. I like consistency; I need honesty..... I enjoy the freedom and lack of pain that comes with being single, but on the flip-side, I enjoy the predictability and trust that comes with a relationship....

My room mate suggests I should start my life all over in a dramatic path, like joining the Peace Corps or military... It sounds all to tempting.... I've been considering it for a while....


Side note: It HAS been a while since posting here.... While I'm not really pleased with this post, I need to get it out before I sleep. I'll be back soon to write more..... If not, I guess everything must be alright.... Right?






.--------I posted this, and just as I finished, the song that reminds me of him most plays..... FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---------------------------------------------

I can't catch a break, yo. :*(

Today I got a random message from some kid that keeps pestering me, so I decided to fuck with him a little bit. The following is the hilarious resulting conversation:

Weirdo dude: I hope this doesn't sound bad, but would you be friends with benefits with a guy?

Me: O.o

Me: yeah

Weirdo dude: I know that sounds bad, but I just kinda want to have some fun lol

Weirdo dude: I'm not a man-slut though lol

Me: youre a virgin arent you?

Weirdo dude: yeah...

Weirdo dude: damn, I can't lie lol

Me: you told me already >.<

Weirdo dude: Do you mind that I am?

Me: makes me a bit nervous (I was obviously teasing his nervousness with this comment)

Weirdo dude: Maybe we could do oral if you're more comfortable with it lol

Me: have you done that?

Weirdo dude: Not yet.

Weirdo dude: I want to lol

Me: have you ever kissed a girl?

Weirdo dude: Yeah.

Me: what have you done?

Weirdo dude: I've made out

Weirdo dude: Would you be cool with teaching me how to "wrestle" with you

Weirdo dude: I would want to be friends too

Weirdo dude: not just pure sex

Me: O.o

Weirdo dude: Are you a sexual person at all?

Me: sex isn't like that.

Me: you have to be friends with someone you're having sex with

Me: its rarely pure sex

Weirdo dude: True, I suppose.

Weirdo dude: I think that I would love to kiss a lot during sex.

Weirdo dude: IDK why...

Me: because it's all you know?

Me: its nice to add in what you know to the unknown

Weirdo dude: Yeah.

Weirdo dude: Do you like sex?

Me: why doesn't?

Weirdo dude: You can't go without it lol

Weirdo dude: How long has it been since you've had it?

Me:I am right now. lmfao

Weirdo dude: With a guy or girl?

Me: well, I'm kind of fucking a girl with a strap on right now

Me: would you consider that sex?

Weirdo dude: No idea lol

Weirdo dude: Do you like being in control?

Me: yeah, i ram it to her hard

Weirdo dude: Can I have your number

Me: i just tasted her pussy. it tastes like watermelon and strawberry

Weirdo dude: I'm jealous of you lol

Weirdo dude: Give me your phone number, and you can send me some pics lol

Me: why dont you send us some pics?

Me: we wanna see your dick?

Weirdo dude: I'm shy lol

Me: so am i

Weirdo dude: Just show me a sexy pic of you.

Weirdo dude: Doesnt have to be nude

Me: look at my pics, the one of me in the hole

Me: 313-418-4320 (number to a Detroit escort service)

Me: for real though

Me: i want to fuck a guy in the ass with a strap on. you let me do that and I'll do whatever you want

Weirdo dude: Stop bullshitting me lol

Weirdo dude: You're a bullshitter

Me: :(

Weirdo dude: Can I have your real number so we can text

Weirdo dude:I want to try to pin you ;)

Me: hmm

Me: what do i get out of that

Weirdo dude: Me lol

Me: wanna play ultimate surrender?

Weirdo dude: I want your body to feel pleasure in every square inch

Weirdo dude: I would love to!

Me: If you pin me, you get to have your way.

Weirdo dude: ok

If I pin you, I get to do whatever I want.

Weirdo dude: Sounds fun!

Me: I really want to try that strap on for real, you okay with that?

Me: it's big

Weirdo dude: Well, if I can get a chance with you, it's a risk.

Weirdo dude: I just hope I win lol

Me: http://www.ultimatesurrender.com/site/shoots.jsp?c=2

Weirdo dude: Why don't you want to have sex with me though?

Weirdo dude: Am I that bad looking lol

Me: No.

Weirdo dude: We should do whoever loses has to go down on the other person.

hmm

Me: not as fun

Me: better to see you fight

Weirdo dude: Oh I'd fight for oral lol

Weirdo dude: That's for damn sure

Me: its better fighting not to lose than fighting to win

Weirdo dude: Is there anything else besides the whole strap on

Me: nope.

Weirdo dude: It's just that I always wanted to have sex with a beautiful girl like you

Me: have you ever had a girlfriend?

Me: ?

"Weirdo dude"went offline. We will deliver your message to their mailbox if they do not return in the next few minutes.

I wanted to see how hard I could push this kid until he gave in. Apparently I struck a nerve with the girlfriend question, because he ignored me or logged off right after.

Special thanks to my friend, Alec, who helped me come up with some of the wacky shit....

Also, a disclaimer: Everything I said to this kid is utter bullshit. Just in case you are as gullible as that dude was. But since you're reading my blog, I know you must be super-awesomes.^_^

Why Mothers' Day reminds me about eugenics.

Today I work at Benihana. Thinking that it was going to be a great idea to work Mothers' Day was a stupid error on my part.

I am reminded by the stupidity and general assholishness of my customers why stupid people shouldn't reproduce.

As I'm sitting here now, out the back door, I get chewed out for not providing parking for the customers. We have free valet today. And this guy chooses to ream me a new one for that!?

So, in honor of Mothers' day, I'm going to record stupid customer quotes throughout the day on here:

Lady:"can I get some tea water with no tea in it?"
Me: "you mean hot water?"
Lady: "no, hot tea water without tea.."
Me: "ok, a hot water then?"
Lady: "well, yeah, I guess so.."

The same lady, I argued for 10 minutes that ordering a chicken meal, and taking chicken out of her chicken fried rice, and then mixing her chicken into it didn't make sense. She insisted that she wanted chicken rice with no chicken so that she could mix chicken into it. She had this completely blank look on her face every time I explained thing to her, as if she couldn't process it. And she had two kids..... what a shame.

Really, Facebook? Come on now... Gettin' a bit cocky there, are we?

Or lack of Cock. I suppose would be the proper way to phrase that.

I log on FB and the thing suggests me a friend, I don't recognize the name, so I click. It says we have no mutual friends, she lives in "SeaTac, Washington" and is from "New Haven, Connecticut"

So, of course at this point I'm thoroughly baffled as to why FB would suggest this middle-aged woman with no common interests or friends... Hell, not even a thousand mile span in common. WTF.

I look at who she's married to. Huh... Nicole, married to Sally....

WTF FACEBOOK!!!! What do you think this is? Are you TRYING to hook me up with a married lesbian couple? I mean, damn, does Facebook assume that all girls who like girls have some telepathic connection and constantly talk to one another? That's tele-pathetic. I mean, hell, I'm not even a full-out lesbian, seriously. What, Facebook, you've never suggested me some 90 year old straight married man as a friend, wouldn't that be the same principle?

I think Facebook REAAAALLY wants me to become a Lesbian full throttle.I'm convinced that it's trying to convince me....

Another thing, Facebook, as is exhibited by my blog, I enjoy "ENTER" without submission, and you've just shattered my dream of being the record holder for "ENTER" usage in one post.

I also noticed that FB collects pictures of you and your significant other before you start dating, and uses them as a sort of, "haha, we knew this was coming; IN YOUR FACE(book)"

Again, cocky....




Or cockless.

Omg. She totally makes that dress look hawt.

They should totally hire some supermodels for the next season of "Walking Dead", they'd save a killing on makeup!!!

Oh, and who doesn't want to see supermodels getting their heads blown off??

Be careful what you wish for.

[1:31:22 am]***See:so u never let me ask u those dirrrty questions

[1:32:26 am]wrestlerchic:ask away

[1:33:06 am]***See:ah id like it to atleast be entertaining to both of us, if not stimulating. now it seems kinda blah

[1:33:41 am]wrestlerchic:;jkfvbhwkljbgkwblakjhfGV

[1:33:48 am]wrestlerchic:THAT WAS MY BRAIN ESPLOSHUN

[1:34:01 am]wrestlerchic:BECAUSE I CANT WAIT FOR EPIC QUESTIONS OF DIRT

[1:34:16 am]***See:? what? ...

?

[1:37:15 am]wrestlerchic:that wasn't stimulating? hrm, maybe I need practice.

[1:37:28 am]wrestlerchic:Oh, btw, how was I supposed to make it stimulating?

[1:37:43 am]***See:wtf r u talking about???????? i asked u what and u ask me a question?

[1:38:11 am]wrestlerchic:you said i never "let" you ask questions, so i let you

[1:38:23 am]wrestlerchic:and then you say it isn't stimulating

[1:38:48 am]wrestlerchic:you're being as finicky as a woman who has a headache.

[1:39:26 am]***See:im not being finicky i was asking u what u were talking about bc what u said made no sense in reply to me

[1:39:27 am]***See:i never said U were suppose to make it stimulating, jackass. i WAS STARTING that NOW it seems kind of blah.. period. not "hey make this stimulating so i can feel better about asking it. cause u cant MAKE something more than what it is, no matter who u r.

[1:40:08 am]***See:im out. later. if u want to talk, send me mail. if not, then fine. but im def not going to fight in order to talk

[1:40:15 am]wrestlerchic:O.o

[1:40:51 am]wrestlerchic:are you a woman who has a headache and is PMSing? because that was a true explosion.. O.o

LOL,  hay dude, would you like a vibrator to go with that vagina? Maybe THAT will stimulate you....

/facepalm

Oh, and (s)he totally proved my point.....


Oh, and also exchange "ask dirrrty questions" with "having sex" or a proper version of it.... haha... totally fits.

Why do I feel like I have a bigger dick than this guy?

Real Women Have Curves?

I keep hearing this everywhere I go. As a curvy woman myself, I want to throw my fist in the air and scream, "hells, yeah!"

On the otherhand, I also like girls, so what I find attractive confuses me....

I love girls of all shapes and sizes. For a while, I was on a skinny girl kick; I just couldn't find many curvier girls sexy.
After searching, I found quite a few cute and curvy girls.

Now as I'm laying in bed and writing this from my cellular device, I realize what it is, and I couldn't wait to blog about it later... lol.

I, of course, realized that these girls all had gorgeous faces, first of all. The problem is, there are a lot of cute-faced girls that I am not attracted to at all..

I also realized that I was going for older women. Older than me, but still quite young, of course. Hmm.. but that can't be what I'm attracted to.

Then it clicked. I love confidence in a woman. Yeah, you might /facepalm me for that one, but it isn't as obvious as it seems. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin, that is so fucking sexy! And it was then that I realized why real men think real women have curves. It's because they love a woman who's curvy and confident with what isn't considered aesthetically ideal by the media's standard (despite the evolutionary attraction, which a 0.7 hip to waist ratio is most attractive)

But, who knows, I could be totally misreading dudes.

Meh, in my mind, Real Women Have Confidence. (And I find that irresistable.)

So, my blog-readers.... you also know what I think about in bed.   (O.o)   hahahah