Today I got a random message from some kid that keeps pestering me, so I decided to fuck with him a little bit. The following is the hilarious resulting conversation:

Weirdo dude: I hope this doesn't sound bad, but would you be friends with benefits with a guy?

Me: O.o

Me: yeah

Weirdo dude: I know that sounds bad, but I just kinda want to have some fun lol

Weirdo dude: I'm not a man-slut though lol

Me: youre a virgin arent you?

Weirdo dude: yeah...

Weirdo dude: damn, I can't lie lol

Me: you told me already >.<

Weirdo dude: Do you mind that I am?

Me: makes me a bit nervous (I was obviously teasing his nervousness with this comment)

Weirdo dude: Maybe we could do oral if you're more comfortable with it lol

Me: have you done that?

Weirdo dude: Not yet.

Weirdo dude: I want to lol

Me: have you ever kissed a girl?

Weirdo dude: Yeah.

Me: what have you done?

Weirdo dude: I've made out

Weirdo dude: Would you be cool with teaching me how to "wrestle" with you

Weirdo dude: I would want to be friends too

Weirdo dude: not just pure sex

Me: O.o

Weirdo dude: Are you a sexual person at all?

Me: sex isn't like that.

Me: you have to be friends with someone you're having sex with

Me: its rarely pure sex

Weirdo dude: True, I suppose.

Weirdo dude: I think that I would love to kiss a lot during sex.

Weirdo dude: IDK why...

Me: because it's all you know?

Me: its nice to add in what you know to the unknown

Weirdo dude: Yeah.

Weirdo dude: Do you like sex?

Me: why doesn't?

Weirdo dude: You can't go without it lol

Weirdo dude: How long has it been since you've had it?

Me:I am right now. lmfao

Weirdo dude: With a guy or girl?

Me: well, I'm kind of fucking a girl with a strap on right now

Me: would you consider that sex?

Weirdo dude: No idea lol

Weirdo dude: Do you like being in control?

Me: yeah, i ram it to her hard

Weirdo dude: Can I have your number

Me: i just tasted her pussy. it tastes like watermelon and strawberry

Weirdo dude: I'm jealous of you lol

Weirdo dude: Give me your phone number, and you can send me some pics lol

Me: why dont you send us some pics?

Me: we wanna see your dick?

Weirdo dude: I'm shy lol

Me: so am i

Weirdo dude: Just show me a sexy pic of you.

Weirdo dude: Doesnt have to be nude

Me: look at my pics, the one of me in the hole

Me: 313-418-4320 (number to a Detroit escort service)

Me: for real though

Me: i want to fuck a guy in the ass with a strap on. you let me do that and I'll do whatever you want

Weirdo dude: Stop bullshitting me lol

Weirdo dude: You're a bullshitter

Me: :(

Weirdo dude: Can I have your real number so we can text

Weirdo dude:I want to try to pin you ;)

Me: hmm

Me: what do i get out of that

Weirdo dude: Me lol

Me: wanna play ultimate surrender?

Weirdo dude: I want your body to feel pleasure in every square inch

Weirdo dude: I would love to!

Me: If you pin me, you get to have your way.

Weirdo dude: ok

If I pin you, I get to do whatever I want.

Weirdo dude: Sounds fun!

Me: I really want to try that strap on for real, you okay with that?

Me: it's big

Weirdo dude: Well, if I can get a chance with you, it's a risk.

Weirdo dude: I just hope I win lol

Me: http://www.ultimatesurrender.com/site/shoots.jsp?c=2

Weirdo dude: Why don't you want to have sex with me though?

Weirdo dude: Am I that bad looking lol

Me: No.

Weirdo dude: We should do whoever loses has to go down on the other person.

hmm

Me: not as fun

Me: better to see you fight

Weirdo dude: Oh I'd fight for oral lol

Weirdo dude: That's for damn sure

Me: its better fighting not to lose than fighting to win

Weirdo dude: Is there anything else besides the whole strap on

Me: nope.

Weirdo dude: It's just that I always wanted to have sex with a beautiful girl like you

Me: have you ever had a girlfriend?

Me: ?

"Weirdo dude"went offline. We will deliver your message to their mailbox if they do not return in the next few minutes.

I wanted to see how hard I could push this kid until he gave in. Apparently I struck a nerve with the girlfriend question, because he ignored me or logged off right after.

Special thanks to my friend, Alec, who helped me come up with some of the wacky shit....

Also, a disclaimer: Everything I said to this kid is utter bullshit. Just in case you are as gullible as that dude was. But since you're reading my blog, I know you must be super-awesomes.^_^